Can you see what a difference your gift can make?

People from around the world are finding exciting new ways to put the Gift Site and gift rituals to work on enhancing their lives and the lives of others. Each month, we'll share these stories with you, here. We invite you to contribute your own story, as well!

The Power of Focusing on the Gift Within

Each of us is a Gift; although there are many times we may not realize it. People we meet can touch our lives in very simple, yet profound ways. Their unique Gifts can touch our souls and guide our paths. Scott, a ten-year-old boy I met in the summer of 1972 touched my life in such a way.

Shortly after graduating from San Jose State College, I headed out on a hitchhiking adventure and arrived in Calgary, Alberta, where I met a lady named Ruth Barry. Ruth worked at a residential treatment facility just outside town. Since I had worked part time for the past two years at a residential treatment center near San Jose, we connected immediately and had a fascinating conversation about emotionally disturbed children.

Two days later, I drove with Ruth to visit the William Roper Hull Home for Children. It was a beautiful facility with an administration building, gymnasium, football field, hockey rink, seven two story cottages, and 300 acres of land looking out toward the Rocky Mountains. Ruth led me into a large conference room where we met Brian Sharpe, the Director. He shared the philosophy of the center and described its relationship to Reality Therapy, a perspective developed by William Glasser, whose work I loved. For two hours we discussed issues related to working with troubled children. As we were ending our meeting, Brian turned to me and, much to my surprise offered me a job as a counselor. I was even more surprised as I heard myself say, "Yes!"

Each cottage at Hull Home was staffed by twelve counselors, a social worker and a supervisor. I was assigned to a cottage of boys aged six to twelve. Each counselor was assigned a "key child," someone with whom he would develop a close therapeutic relationship. Ten-year-old Scott was my key child.

Scott had first arrived at the treatment facility when he was five years old. He had been severely abused, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. He had been locked in the attic with the family pets. When Scott was found, he had no language, no social skills and no self-esteem. Scott had been in the facility for five years when I met him and he had already gone through fifteen key workers. Since no previous counselor had ever maintained a commitment to Scott, his sense of self-worth, trust, and hope for change were zero.

I was introduced to Scott on a Monday. By Tuesday, the supervisor of our cottage asked me to take Scott camping for the coming weekend. When I told him that I didn't "do" camping, he stood up and said firmly, "You are taking that kid camping!" Scott and I were driven 100 miles from the cottage and dropped off with our camping gear and instructions to "hike in."

As Scott and I hiked, we noticed dark clouds forming. We set up our campsite right next to a river. It was beautiful, but the temperature was rapidly dropping. Scott and I were not prepared for what was about to happen.

After dinner it started to snow. While I was using the axe to chop wood, Scott suddenly darted off into the darkness up toward a meadow. I ran after him and when I found him, he was hiding behind a bush, trembling and begging me please not to hit him with the axe. I reassured him that I was not going to hit him and with tears in his eyes he told me of the times his father had threatened to kill him.

The temperature continued to drop. Scott and I literally had to hold each other to stay warm. When we awoke in the morning, the recreation director, concerned about our well being, knowing that we were not properly equipped to deal with the unexpected storm, had tracked us down.

Scott and I had bonded. We had endured a difficult experience and pulled through it together. I had come to appreciate in Scott a specialness - a combination of sensitivity, courage, and perseverance. Although I could not quite articulate it, there was something unique beyond Scott’s puppy-dog affect. I was able to see beyond the scared, mistrusting little boy with bizarre and withdrawn behavior to a unique goodness within.

I heavily campaigned until I could help other staff members to see what I had seen. As they saw the authentic Scott (his Gift) their behavior towards him changed accordingly. They charted different kinds of entries in his logbook and noticed breakthroughs in his day-to-day progress.

Scott made rapid improvements in his self-esteem, behavior, and performance in school. He even took on the self-appointed role of welcoming new kids to the treatment center. Within six months of beginning to focus on the Gift within Scott, the treatment team determined that Scott was eligible for foster home placement.

One night Scott told me his vision of being placed with a family who lived on a farm in the country. He wanted to care for animals and treat them in a way that he had missed. Finding a good foster home was rare, a farm even rarer. However, no one had believed, except the two of us, that he would ever be a healthy child, so between us we held the vision (focus) of such a possibility. Within three months we got the miraculous news that a foster home had been found for Scott. It was a country farm with animals, just as Scott had envisioned.

The night before Scott moved to his new home, he made a heart-wrenching request. He thanked me dearly for my loving support and friendship, but said that he did not want me to ever contact him again. Once he left the walls of Hull Home he wanted to focus on his new life. He wanted no reminders of the first ten years, only the opportunity to start over.

My relationship with Scott changed my life. I helped him learn to appreciate his Gift; he helped me to clarify mine. This was the single most important influence in my career. When I think about Scott, I am reminded of the tenacity and glory of the human spirit. I am further reminded that:

"Each of us is a unique and precious gift. It injures our spirit to forget that even for a moment"

If our spirits have been injured, having people in our lives to hold a clear and consistent focus on the goodness we have within enables our spirits to rise again, guiding us to fully blossom into the Gifts we were born to be.

Treasures at Work

We once received a letter for the CFO of an organization in which we had been conducting teambuilding programs during the previous year. He wrote:

Dear Nikki and Burton,

There is a member of my team that I have been concerned about. She is a wonderful person, who recently has had to face far too many serious trials. I have been frustrated by my inability to be of much help.

Over the past few weeks things got worse for her. Recently a dear friend was killed in an auto accident. I have never seen anyone so depressed. It was more than she could bear and quite frankly seeing her in so much pain was more than I could bear.

That evening as I was driving home, it occurred to me that she could not see the Gift that she was to all of us. She blamed herself for everything that was happening to her even though most of it was outside her control.

I decided to call her immediate supervisor into my office. Jim had been through two of your teambuilding sessions so he had a little understanding of what I was proposing to do. I took a pad of paper to lunch and started writing down her gifts. When I got back to the office I sat down and composed a Gift statement. I was actually aware that I did not really know how to do this, but I have watched you and your facilitators several times so I just plowed ahead and did my best.

When I was finished, I took the statement to Jim and incorporated his ideas. He had worked with her longer than I so once he saw what I was doing he was able to add several qualities that I had missed. I included his input, printed the final statement on a piece of nice paper and put it in a sealed envelope.

That afternoon, just as she was about to go home, I called Harriet into my office and handed her the envelope. I told her that this was her gift, not an outfit for her, but the gifts from her that she has given to Jim and me. She was still in a highly emotional state, so I told her to take it home and open it when she was alone.

She came into my office first thing the next morning and kiddingly complained that I made her cry. She then took out the Gift statement which she had placed in a lovely frame, smiled and gave me a hug. For the first time in months I saw the real Harriet begin to peek through the darkness. She was cheerful all day, the way she used to be.

I know that it's too much to expect that this one piece of paper can buoy her through all the trials she still faces but for several days since, Harriet continues to bring an uplifting and playful spirit to work.

Thank you both for the gifts that keep on giving that you have brought to me, Harriet, and our organization.

Scrapbookers share the Gift with Alzheimer's patients and their families.

"A few months ago, I started inviting scrapbooker hobbiests to contribute their skills to families in which a loved one has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers. Scrapbooking is a great way to help families document the thoughts and memories of their loved one, before this devastating disease erases them forever. Using the Gift Site and gift rituals not only provides us fantastic, moving material to use in these scrapbooks, but allows the Alzheimer patients to see what an incredible gift they have been and continue to be to all who have known them." Gretchen Hartke, Evanston, IL.

TEC chairs share the Gift with CEOs and company presidents.

"As part of the world's largest leadership organization of nearly 10,000 chief executives, I have the privilege to chair a few TEC groups in Chicago. I have found that sharing the gift ritual with my TEC group bonds our members in lasting appreciation of themselves, each other, and the many people and communities they touch as leaders." Mikki Williams, Chicago, IL.

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